Earlier Closing Times in Miami are Counterintuitively Counterproductive

Photo by Trevor Gribble

Marc Sarnoff obviously wants Miami to fail. Why else would Marky Mark be kicking around the idea of moving Miami’s closing time from 5 a.m. to 3? Yep, the same 3 a.m. Sarnoff’s Grove opted to move to a couple of years ago. And if you want to see how that turned out, take a look at the cover of today’s Herald.

A RAPPER WITH MORE COMMON SENSE THAN A COUNCILMAN

If a recent New Times column, Miami’s current Poet Laureate Uncle Luke pointed out the revenue the city would lose and how earlier closings would give mainland Miamians few options for late-night nightlife except the increasingly-overpriced and delusional South Beach. Because, contrary to what Bravo will show you, people in Miami actually do NOT enjoy going VIP everywhere and dressing to impress. Most of us just like to get drunk. And if the city has the same closing time as those venerable nightlife hotbeds of Tampa and Baltimore we lose our competitive advantage.

But past he obvious arguments of lost money and lost fun, the issue goes deeper. What most people do not understand about closing time laws is that they are counterintuitive. That is, closing bars earlier is actually MORE detrimental to your populous than leaving them open later. And here’s why..

Crowds trickle out. You ever leave the bars in a city where the places all close at 2? Every bar empties out on to the streets, resulting in countless drunken altercations, and streets jam-packed with drunk drivers. You ever drive home from South Beach after closing? The causeway is empty. That’s because people have been leaving clubs all night. So what you have with later closing is less drunk drivers on the road at any given time, and less crowds of drunken people in your streets.

If we know we have all night to drink, the drinking gets spaced out. Most folks are not slamming back 2-3 drinks an hour by the time 4 rolls around, and nobody’s scrambling to get in their last 4 shots at 5 a.m. like they are at 3. This results is less unhealthy intoxication and, presumably, less incidents caused by excessive intoxication.

You actually make your citizens safer. People aren’t going to stop drinking because the bars have closed. They just move on to what people in cities with sub-par nightlife refer to as “house after-parties.” Where there’s no police to make sure people stay safe. Where there’s no one ID-ing to make sure underage people don’t drink. Where there’s no bartenders who don’t drug unsuspecting girls. And, unless you’re hanging out with Ben Roethlesberger, you’re a lot less likely to be sexually assaulted at a club than you are at a house party.

It’s quite simple, Mark Sarnoff. Miami has gotten a lot of things wrong in the planning of this city. But the 5 a.m. closing time is one thing it actually got right. Roll this back and we become a bigger Tampa. We become Houston with a better beach. In essence, we lose our image and create more problems. And unless you want the rest of the city to have a front-page article examining why entertainment and shopping is failing, you’ll abandon this idea like businesses have abandoned your district.

Related Categories: Miami: Local News, About the Author: Matt Meltzer is a featured columnist at Miami Beach 411. See more articles by Matt Meltzer. See more articles by Matt Meltzer Was This Post Helpful? Please Share It With Others! Tweet

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