Flasking It: How to Go to an Expensive Club, Get Drunk and not Spend Anything

It’s getting to a point now where a half-gram of coke is getting cheaper than a Vodka-Red Bull in most South Beach clubs. And last I checked Grey Goose doesn’t have to be smuggled in through mismarked furniture trucks at the Mexican border. The fact that the people at the Opium group - and the other delusional frauds who run these places - think $17 is an acceptable price to charge for a single-alcohol drink just speaks to how much cooler these guys think they are then they are actually perceived. The only people paying that nonsense are overdressed Persians and tourists. Locals, we know better.

A NIGHT OUT IN SOUTH BEACH FOR UNDER $40 STARTS AT WALGREEN’S

This is not to say that those of us who have a 786 cell phone number don’t go to South Beach clubs. Quite the contrary. Most of us know that if we get there before 12 and don’t look like an idiot, getting in isn’t impossible. But much more importantly, we know how to get a good buzz on in a classy club for less than $40. It’s called flasking it, and I encourage anyone who wants to show these clubs that they are taking themselves waaay too seriously to do this every time you go out.

The name pretty much implies what you are doing: Sneaking a flask (or 2) of liquor into an expensive club.  The Walgreens liquor store on 5th Street usually sells 16 oz. flasks for about $2.99. While there, you can pick up a bottle of your favorite mixing liquor relatively cheaply, and divide it between the flasks in the parking lot.

I BELIEVE IN CRYSTAL LIGHT, CUZ I BELIEVE IN ME!

Next, hit up the powdered beverage aisle of the Walgreens next door and pick up some powdered Crystal Light or Kool Aid to mix once you get to the club. You CAN use the club’s sodas for mixers, but owners have caught on to the “non-drinkers” and now charge anywhere from $4-7 a soda. That’s right. These places are so ridiculous they typically charge more for syrup and carbonated water than your club back home charges for a rum and coke.

Once you have the powder (sneaking powder into a South Beach club had never been difficult), grab a cab to the overpriced, pretentious club of your choice, and the night is on!! Upon exiting the cab, put the flask in your waistband either at the belt buckle or right above the crack of your ass. If you’re not going to a hip-hop night, the club probably won’t pat you down anyway, but it is best to make the flasks an inconspicuous as possible. In 8+ years of flasking it, I have never been caught at the door.

STEAL FROM THE RICH, BUT MAKE SURE YOU HOOK UP THE POOR

Once inside, order either a soda (if you want to pay $5 or so for that) or a tap water from the bartender. AND YOU MUST TIP AT LEAST $2 EVERY TIME YOU DO THIS. The reason here is twofold: First, if you tip well on an easy drink, the bartender will have no reason to try and call you out for sneaking booze in. Second, your aim here is to circumvent the greedy club owners, not the hard-working service staff. So make sure you hook them up.

Same goes for the bathroom attendant. Take whatever drink you get from the bar into the bathroom, and make sure you get into a stall. Given the amount of illegal drugs and illicit sex that goes on in your typical South Beach club’s bathroom stall, your mixing a little vodka and Crystal Light into your tap water is a pretty innocuous venture. But you still want to make sure the attendant doesn’t rat you out or force you to leave. So throw him a dollar every time you go in and you’re fine. Go in the stall, mix up your drink, and Voila! You now have a $17 drink that ended up costing you around $4-5. Yes, that’s still more than it would be at a good happy hour anywhere else, but still a solid victory for you. And not one DIME went to the jerkoffs running the door like it’s the White House.

Some might tell you flasking it is illegal. And those folks would be correct. But so is drinking under 21, smoking weed and running stop signs, and I don’t see anyone curbing that much in South Beach. Some might also say it’s wrong, although I’m not sure how refusing to pay outlandish drink prices to self-important club owners is a bad thing. So if you’re coming to South Beach, don’t let the exorbitant drink prices scare you. As long as you’re not concerned with looking cool and throwing money around, the system can always be beaten. You just have to have the stones to do it.

Related Categories: Miami: Nightlife, About the Author: Matt Meltzer is a featured columnist at Miami Beach 411. See more articles by Matt Meltzer. See more articles by Matt Meltzer Was This Post Helpful? Please Share It With Others! Tweet

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