Your Comprehensive, Last Minute Guide to Valentine’s Day in Miami

Ahhh…..Valentine’s Day. That time of year when you wake up, look at the date on the local news, and say “Holy $*&% IT’S VALENTINE’S DAY AND I TOTALLY FORGOT TO PLAN SOMETHING!!!”

If you’re male. If you’re female, it’s when you wake up, see you have no missed calls or messages and think “Yeah. He totally forgot Valentine’s Day.”

But see lucky for you, you have us. And no matter what your situation – married with children, single, together but don’t feel like dropping the GNP of Fiji on dinner – and you need a last minute plan, there’s something cool in Miami for you to do.

So check out our specialized guide to Valentine’s Day, see what category best fits you, and thank us on Saturday.

IF YOU’RE SINGLE

Who needs a valentine when you’ve got acrobats, fire dancers and the Delano pool? To Hell with romance, the Delano’s got a full moon party going on with DJ Sean Drake followed by an after party at FDR that goes until sunrise. When you’ll still be single.

Ladies, if you don’t have a man to buy you drinks the Valentine’s Day, Brother Jimmy’s BBQ in Brickell will buy your first one for you. Their signature Pricked by a Thorne cocktail will be free for you all, then find a single guy to buy you the rest of your drinks as you head out on their Valentine’s Day Bar Crawl.

IF YOU’RE TRYING TO SAVE MONEY BUT ARE STILL GETTING MARRIED ON VALENTINE’S DAY

Imagine someday telling your grandkids “I knew we were meant to be when right after we got married he brought me a quarter-dark chicken and a side of yucca fries.” That fantasy can be YOURS as Pollo Tropical in Margate will be performing wedding ceremonies from 2-4 p.m. as part of their Beach Party, where in addition to getting hitched you can get your wedding picture taken on their side-by-side surfing simulator, and be serenaded by the South Florida-required live DJ.

Or, imagine someday telling your grandkids, “Yes, we were marred right outside Miami’s oldest bar. That was subsequently torn down so they could build a West Elm and a Chili’s.” That fantasy can also be yours thanks to Tobacco Road, who’ll provide wedding bands, Elvis, an ordained minister and, for one lucky couple, a night at one of Calle Ocho’s swankiest motels complete with flowers and a bottle of champagne.

IF YOU’RE MARRIED, HAVE KIDS, AND CAN’T GET A SITTER

First of all, wow, that sucks. Second of all, take them to Brother Jimmy’s BBQ in Brickell, who feels your pain and will feed your kids for free while you try and pretend you’re not resenting the hell out of them.

IF YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT

Blue Starlight, Miami’s only urban drive-in, takes their show to the beach on Virginia Key with a Grease sing along. Gents, if you’ve never seen how excited a girl gets singing along to “Grease,” start now.

Wanna look sharp for the big night? Wynwood’s Junior & Hatter will cut & blow-dry her hair while he plays Tecmo Bowl in the waiting are, than gets a cut & hot shave for $125 (or about what a ladies’ cut cost by itself). The catch:  Couples will have to take a fun & in love mug shot photo that will be used for social media.

IF YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR DINNER

Maybe you’re sick of the sight of your valentine. Or maybe your date is a picky eater who won’t try anything new. Which might mean you’re sick of the sight of them. Regardless, Dark Dining – the new dining fad where a restaurant feeds you all kinds of crazy stuff while you’re blindfolded – returns to City Hall the Restaurant where for $75 per person they’ll promise not to feed you table scraps from La Fiesta across the street.

IF YOU WANT TO HAVE DINNER BUT CAN’T SPEND MUCH

RA Sushi, at all their locations, is offering a 3-course sushi dinner for 2 for $30 and also features a $14, 60 oz. drink called an “Umami Punch” with Southern Comfort, Amaretto Disaronno, cold sake, vodka and tropical juices.  Less money + more alcohol = THE BEST VALENTINES DAY EVER!!!!

IF YOU WANT TO HAVE DINNER BUT HAVE TO GO THROUGH YOUR VACUUM CLEANER BAG TO FIND CHANGE TO PAY FOR IT

That same Pollo Tropical that will marry you (and all the other ones that won’t) will give you two entrees, two regular size fountain drinks and a regular size side of yuca sticks or sweet plantain and a flan for $9.99 if you text SWEETHEART TO 52198.

IF YOU CAN SPEND SOME MONEY ON DINNER

The AAA 4 Diamond, hands-down best Cuban restaurant in South Beach, DeRodriguez Cuba, has a 3-course his and hers menu with Ecuadorian Shrimp ceviche & tostones, Cuban sandwich crispy sticks, Florida Lobster Thermidor and Smoked Ribeye and Lovers Red Velvet Cake for the less-than-you’d-usually-pay $130 a couple.

IF YOU CAN SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON DINNER

If you’re unfamiliar with The Bazaar by Jose Andres, the concept is basically a menu with more entries than a South Dakota phone book that encourages you to taste a little of everything. For V-Day, they’re doing 9 courses for $175 per person, or basically about half what it would usually be. Highlights include:  Osetra Caviar Cone; Smoked Oysters ice and smoke, apple mignonette; Dragon fruit ceviche tuna with pecans, and lime hibiscus

IF YOU CAN SPEND YOUR COMBINED CAR PAYMENTS ON DINNER

Nothing says “I’m rich” (or “I’m putting this all on a credit card I’ll be paying off in 2017”) like a private poolside cabana at the Fontainebleau and a 4-course dinner from celebrichef Michael Mina at his new Michael Mina 74. This $550-a-couple adventure starts with your choice of caviar, then moves on to foie gras terrine or truffle risotto, Maine lobster, wagyu tenderloin with lobster-pomme puree, then finishes with 12-year aged Maccallan caramel or chocolate cake with peanut butter coco ice cream. Oh, and a bottle of champagne too.

 

Related Categories: Miami: Local News, Miami: Food & Restaurant News, Miami: Things to Do, About the Author: Matt Meltzer is a featured columnist at Miami Beach 411. See more articles by Matt Meltzer. See more articles by Matt Meltzer Was This Post Helpful? Please Share It With Others! Tweet

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