Strip Club Guide Updated for 2011

A few years ago, I went to Gus – the proprietor of this fine website – with an idea.

“Gus, I’m always looking for information and reviews about strip clubs in Miami, but there’s no one article that goes through them all. How about I review them for you?”

Essentially, I was asking him to pay me to go out and get lap dances all night. And pay for the lap dances, drinks, cover charges – plus mileage – on top of that. A lot of balls for a guy who’d been working for the site all of 2 months. But Gus was all about it. His wife and sister-in-law, notsomuch. But somehow he managed to convince them that paying me to look at naked women would somehow benefit their business.

Well, a half a million hits later this Strip Club Guide is the most read article on the site, and the most read thing I’ve ever written that wasn’t in Cosmo. But the problem is, clubs change. They go out of business. They fire the hookers and bring in dancers. And how useful is this guide going to be if we have reviews up of clubs that have been out of business since 2008?

So in the interest of maintaining the relevance and integrity, Carlos Miller and myself undertook the massive and unpleasant chore of visiting 8 clubs that were either under new management or had opened since I last did the tour in 2008. And it was, let me tell you, a labor of love.

What did we learn?

Well, first off we learned there’s a Strip Club magazine called “411” that apparently a lot of the less-intelligent door people thought we were from. Which led us to being treated a little better.

We learned that, surprisingly, some clubs will let you take pictures inside if you give them a business card from some sort of media outlet. And if you treat us like shit at the door (looking at YOU, Dean’s Gold) we’ll sneak some shots with our iPhones anyway.

We also learned that when you tell a club you’re coming to review their club, cover charges no longer apply. And drink prices don’t half the time either.

We learned that LeBron James is apparently a regular at every single black strip club in the city. Which is funny because as I recall he did NOT say he was “taking my talents to North Miami.” But maybe I heard him wrong.

And lastly we learned that Miami Shores cops REALLY have nothing to do. I won’t go into the full details. But I will say seeing Carlos Miller get belligerent with a law enforcement official live and in person is kind of like going to see a great athlete live. You can read about it all you want, and even watch it on TV, but it’s not the same unless you’re really there.

Anyway, please take a look at the new Guide. Carlos got some great pictures and even reviews a few of the clubs himself. Hopefully this guide can help horny tourists enjoy their Miami experience more, and show Laurie and Michelle that paying me to go to strip clubs is a sound business decision for years to come.

Related Links: The Official Guide to Miami Strip Clubs and Topless Bars Related Categories: Adults Only Miami: Nightlife, About the Author: Matt Meltzer is a featured columnist at Miami Beach 411. See more articles by Matt Meltzer. See more articles by Matt Meltzer Was This Post Helpful? Please Share It With Others! Tweet

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"Strip Club Guide Updated for 2011"

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