Trapeze: Fun if you’re into wrinkles  

My fiance and I decided to go to Trapeze and see what it was about. We drove 70 plus miles and were excited about seeing what the place was like. We are open to a lot and this was our first time to a sex club. We payed the membership fee and door charge and went in. We were impressed by the decor and the place was fairly busy. It was quite dark and we really stuck to ourselves. After a few hours we went in back to the play room and had sex in a private room. The door was ajar and some people whom we did not make eye contact with watched. Pretty exciting so we went back. We have been there four times total. Never again though and I will explain why. Now remember we gave it four chances. Instead of breaking down each visit I am just going to give the meat and potatoes of all of them in one shot:

The crowd is 80% over 60 years old. Yes, watching the seniors in our community where lace and g-strings makes one flacid to say the least. Seeing their bellys, viens, breasts, smelling vicks vapo rub tends to kill the moment and I am talking about the guys with the breasts. We are not talking about average people here. What we are talking about is horribly dressed and leering old men. The music the club plays is good if you are not from the Benny Goodman generation. The DJ played the new stuff and few if anyone dances. They just stand and wait for the younger crowd which totaled about six people dancing on night. We danced and were getting into it but I looked up and a sea of old wrinkles was staring at us. That makes one lose their mood fast. Also if you go during the week you will find many single men there. Most of them could not get laid in a womens prison. The website describes a strict dress code, yet that night most were dressed like slobs and wore clothes one would not wear to a shit fight. I cannot stress what a mood killer it is when you are having sex and look up and see the cast from “Murder She Wrote” playing with their dried out parts leering at you. Also it seemed that the really morbidly obese folks are the most brazen. They seem to really try to dance in front of you our have sex so you can see them. Watching them gyrate and bounce around in what they feel are sexy outfits is gross. There seems to be a buzz kill around every dark corner. The staff is fairly rude made up of mostly illegal aliens you can’t understand. I asked for a slice of roast beef that took over 20 minutes to get because it was like a comedy skit trying to understand the tribesman. I should have clicked and whistled a few times I might have gotten better results. The buffet is great if you love to get gut wrenching cramps from the grease at breakfast. Nothing is more erotic than explosive runs at a sex club. Also there is one mens room which you seem to have to wait to get into. I had several experiences where more than one person came out of the mens room together. It has one toilet (yes one!) for the whole place full of incontinent folks. Last night I went to the mens room and after a whole five seconds the door was being pounded on. When I finished I opened the door (and hurray!) and old fat man wrapped in a towel was there and said, “I can’t hold it. I have to go. I have problems with pissing.” That was enough for us. We left this bastion of elderly and obese people and will never go back again.

If you are old, then this is your spot. If you are under 50 and average then stay away. To sum it up, the place is upscale as far as the interior. The crowd is old and obese for the most part. The few younger people there seem to stay to themselves, probably out of fear of making eye contact with the geritol crew. Staff is mostly rude and brief with you. There was one bus boy who was on his game and very nice. The valet guy is cool too. Its a joke and we will never go back again. We haven’t given up and will try another club. We weren’t looking for a place with perfect people just ones that dont make you want to look away and hide. Our first visit was cool because it was new for us and we really did not pay attention to the crowd. Once we did start noticing things, we were horrified. We tried different nights and the same results on all of them. Don’t waste your money…unless you are older. Then it might be for you.

Trapeze is located at 5213 N. State Road 7, Ft. Lauderdale.

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