George Carlin Roasts Miami Drivers While You Cruise Past the Epic Skyline

Visiting Miami and looking for a quick, fun way to get your bearings? Hop in for a virtual drive down I-95—the artery that slices right through the heart of the city—and discover some of its wildest history, from drug-smuggling lore to Hollywood shootouts, all in under 3 minutes. Watch the video below!

‍

This segment is one of my all-time favorites on the tour: it mashes up George Carlin’s classic rant about “idiots” and “maniacs” on the road with hilarious commentary on the Miami River, Brickell’s transformation, and the making of Miami Vice.

Video Transcript

George Carlin: Want to go for a ride? Want to go for a ride? Let me get this straight. Let’s go for a ride, OK? Well actually you’ll go for a ride, I’ll go for a drive. The person who drives the car, they’re the ones who go for a drive. The other people, they go for a ride. (Laughter) OK, we’re gonna be going on this drive/ride any minute here. First, a philosophical question: have you ever noticed when you’re driving that anyone who’s driving slower than you is an idiot (Laughter) and anyone driving faster than you is a maniac? Say look at this idiot, will you just look at this idiot, creeping along. Wwooww! Look at that maniac go! I mean, it’s a wonder we ever get anywhere at all, with all the idiots and maniacs there are!

Learn More About The Miami River and "Miami Vice"

We play the George Carlin bit this section below on our way to Little Havana. Matt Meltzer's punchline at the end of the video never fails to get a laugh from riders.

Tour Commentary: That narrow waterway you see on your right is the famous Miami River. Originally the lifeblood of the city, the river stretches from Miami International Airport out into Biscayne Bay. In the height of the 80s drug scene, the river was a popular entry point for cocaine smuggling and—yes—dumping bodies. Though once highly polluted and notorious for its noxious smell and the occasional floating corpse, the river is now undergoing a massive dredging project and cleanup.

Named after Miami founder William Brickell, this stretch of US-1 is the heart of Miami’s financial district. While the southern part of Brickell exploded with high-priced condos in the 70s and 80s, the northern section stayed mostly commercial. As the countless cranes and construction sites will tell you, Brickell has become a trendy neighborhood for young professionals—a convenient place to both live and work for many Miamians. What was once a daytime-only financial district has evolved into a true urban core, with spots like Mary Brickell Village offering bars, restaurants, and even a movie theater within easy walking distance for Brickell’s over 25,000 residents. Recent overbuilding has also made this one of the most surprisingly affordable urban areas in the United States, as unsold condos are now rented at prices comparable to what you’d pay in distant Miami suburbs.

And of course, no tour of Miami would be complete without talking about Miami Vice. When the 2006 movie was filmed here during the summer of 2005, a stretch of I-95 was shut down every night for nearly two weeks to capture those high-speed car chases. Residents of the Brickell area received notices not to be alarmed by late-night gunfire coming from the river—it was just the crew shooting the film’s climactic final boat chase and shootout. Producers, of course, weren’t aware that most people who’ve lived in Miami long enough are never alarmed by late-night gunfire coming from the river anyway.

Miami Skyline (2026 Update)

In 2026, this I-95 stretch through downtown and Brickell remains a dynamic, ever-changing artery. The Miami River has seen continued revitalization—cleaner waters, new parks, and waterfront developments—while Brickell is now one of the densest, most vibrant neighborhoods in the Southeast, with even more high-rises, transit improvements, and a true 24/7 urban feel. The Miami Vice nostalgia still lingers, and the Carlin mash-up keeps its edge. If you’re in Miami today, the drive (or a guided tour) still delivers that same mix of history, humor, and high-energy city vibes I loved back in 2010.

Editor’s Note: Originally published June 24, 2010 and lightly updated in 2026.